Three Tools to Tame Impostere Syndrome
My Story
For years I’ve been considered an expert on housing in the organization that I work for as a result of the work that I’ve done around creating housing opportunities for individuals experiencing homelessness. Other people within the organization have been reaching out to me for advice, suggestions, and other forms of consultation on housing issues since the early 2000s. Even people outside of our organization reach out to consult with me. Pretty cool right? Having knowledge that other people want and being trusted to provide advice and share useful information. Wow, what more could you ask for? This is something that would make most people feel good, maybe even great. Not me.
Are you asking yourself why? Why doesn’t this make her feel good? Who doesn’t want to be considered an expert, asked for advice and guidance around a topic that they’ve worked hard to learn about? The answer to those questions, my friend is that I’m someone living with Imposter Syndrome. Yes, I had learned a lot about housing and ways to leverage housing opportunities to grow access for the clients served by my organization. I’d successfully operated a program that served hundreds of people every year and permanently housed more than 70% of those served. And yet, I walked around constantly worrying that at any moment someone would find out that I really didn’t know what I was doing – they’d recognize me for the fraud that I was. After all, the success that my program had achieved was probably just luck – it had nothing to do with the 60-hour weeks that I regularly put in, the training opportunities that I took advantage of on my own time, or my own abilities. Luck, it was just luck, and sooner or later everyone else would know what I’d known for the longest time – I wasn’t an expert I was just lucky.
What is Imposter Syndrome and Who Does it Impact?
According to Merriam-Webster, Imposter Syndrome is “is commonly understood as a false and sometimes crippling belief that one's successes are the product of luck or fraud rather than skill.” Imposter Syndrome, according to Psychology Today, impacts 25 to 30 percent of high achievers and as many as 70 percent of all adults may experience it at least once in their life. Women, particularly women of color, experience imposter syndrome at higher rates than men; however, men also experience the syndrome. And according to Healthline, imposter syndrome can affect people at all levels – from graduate students to CEO’s.
More of My Story
For me, imposter syndrome was pervasive and subtle. The harder I worked and the more training and education that I received, rather than making me feel better about my accomplishments only served to increase my fear of “being found out.” After all, I’d never be as knowledgeable or as smart as other people in my profession, thus the reason that I had to work so hard and continue to expand my training and education. I knew that it was only a matter of time before everyone else would see what I knew in my heart – I wasn’t smart or an expert. I had simply been at the right place at the right time, and everything was undoubtedly going to come tumbling down around me at any moment.
Over the years, I spent a great deal of time trying to work through these feelings of impostorism. Trying to figure out why I was I plagued with this overwhelming sense of self-doubt and uncertainty about my abilities that didn’t match up with what others believed to be true about me. Why did I feel this way about myself and what I could do to counteract this constant worry that was always with me? What I eventually came to know is that it was rooted in my mindset and that I have control over my mindset if I’m courageous enough to take control.
Options for Taming Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome can impact different people in different ways. For some, it might make moving forward harder – agreeing to accept a new role, taking on a speaking engagement, teaching a workshop or class – but not necessarily stop them. For others, it might be crippling in its impact actually stopping them from being able to achieve the goals they’ve set or accept positions for which they are more than qualified. If you fall into the second category, I’d like to encourage you to seek out counseling or therapy. A great resource for online therapy is betterhelp. In these current times with COVID taking its toll on the mental health of Americans it can sometimes be hard to find an available therapist - betterhelp is an easily accessible resource with qualified therapists. If you prefer in-person assistance from a therapist in your community visit Psychology Today for a searchable directory of qualified therapists in your zip code.
If you are in the first category and you’re struggling with impostorism, but not crippled by it, and you’re ready to set it aside - to tame the self-doubt and uncertainty so that you can begin living your best life then these three tools can be used to tame imposter syndrome and support you to create a new mindset:
Acknowledge your internal dialogue.
Most of us have an internal dialogue or dialogues that joyfully reinforce the unhealthy beliefs we have about ourselves. Typically, we don’t question that dialogue and sometimes we may not even recognize that it’s running. The interesting thing about this internal dialogue is that it almost always came about as an effort to protect us – a coping mechanism. For instance, maybe I was in a social situation where I inadvertently made a huge gaff – said the wrong thing to the wrong person – and was embarrassed when I was young. After that incident I developed an internal dialogue, whose purpose was to keep me from embarrassing myself again – it would remind me to “stop and think before I spoke.” However, over the years it changed from “stop and think before you speak” to “your stupid or boring and nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” While it might have originally been useful, it now keeps me from interacting with others. It’s no longer serving me and in fact, is working against my best interests.
Once you know that the dialogue exists you can acknowledge it and let it go or even change it. As part of acknowledging it, you might even thank it, knowing that its goal is to protect you. This could look something like this - you’re getting ready to speak to a group of leaders in your organization about the tools you’ve developed to streamline workflows and that voice starts up. It is telling you that you really don’t know what you’re talking about, and people are going to realize that as soon as you start talking – you’ll be seen for the fraud that you are. Rather than ignoring the voice, you acknowledge that it is talking to you – you note that you’re having these thoughts and you respond by telling yourself to let it go and take a few deep breaths. You might even say thank you for trying to protect me. If this works great – do it often enough and it will become automatic – the thought will come up, you’ll notice, it, thank it, and let it go. If this strategy doesn’t work, you can countermand the thought with another thought that is actually useful today – you can tell yourself “I do know what I’m talking about. I’ve worked hard to be here today, and I have valuable information to share with my colleagues.” Again, repetition is your friend and if you do this often it will become automatic – the thought will come up, you’ll replace it with the new thought, and with repetition, your old dialogue will be overwritten by the new dialogue.
Use visualization to help you create success.
When you know you’re going to be facing a situation that typically triggers imposter syndrome take a few minutes to visualize yourself successfully navigating the situation. Using the example above, let’s say that you must speak to a group of colleagues. Before the meeting take a few minutes to visualize yourself giving the speech – picture the room, picture yourself standing before the group talking, picture your colleagues coming up to you after the speech and congratulating you on a job well done and/or thanking you for sharing the information with them.
Act as if
I know what you’re thinking – this is a cliché, and it will never work. After all, if I’m “acting” then doesn’t that just go to prove that I am an imposter? Well, I can tell you from personal experience that this works. By simply putting ourselves out there – even when we feel like a fraud – we are building up our courage by taking risks and eventually the courage will win out over the fear. Changing our behavior can be just as impactful as changing our thoughts and it builds confidence.
This tactic has gotten me through more difficult situations than any other. In fact, it is my willingness to “act like the expert” even when I don’t believe it’s true – to answer the questions that are posed to me and/or find the answers to the questions and then share them or to facilitate a workshop or group in my coaching practice – that still gets me through today. I’d love to say that I’ve conquered imposter syndrome and that it no longer comes up for me; however, the truth is that whenever I’m facing a new situation or trying to learn something new it jumps up and down trying to get my attention and hold me back. The difference is that today, I recognize it for what it is – a negative belief that doesn’t serve me - it isn’t who I am, and I don’t have to accept it as my truth.
I know that using these tools can be easier said than done; therefore, if you’re interested in individual coaching or in participating in a workshop or group addressing imposter syndrome please email me at alexis@intentionallyme.org.
